Hello, Reader!
These past few weeks have been incredibly busy for me, which has meant a multitude of things, including a delay in sending this newsletter.
It's a Friday night. In two days, many parts of the world will honor mothers on Mother's Day. I am delighted to see the growing awareness of how difficult this day can be for many mothers and children, whether they are grieving a dead, living or estranged mom, grandmother, child, pregnancy loss, or infertility. I truly celebrate this increased sensitivity and humility in recent years.
And, I acknowledge that as grieving siblings, many of us also struggle with this day.
Not all situations are the same, so it's impossible to identify all the ways this day might be difficult for grieving siblings. You may be struggling to see your mother (if living) coping with her loss and changed identity. Or perhaps, your deceased sibling was a mother, and you are struggling with honoring her and supporting her children. Maybe, you are a mom and don't feel like celebrating. The thought of how to honor your mom without the input of your late sibling could feel overwhelming. (Heck, I struggled before Tony died because the two of us agreeing on what to do for Mom was nearly impossible.) It could be that your mom doesn't want to celebrate, or vice versa. Perhaps, you want to celebrate but also don't want to ignore your grief. Possibly your mom is also gone, and not having your sibling to share in that grief compounds your experience.
The situations are endless, and the reactions to them even more so.
Today, I want to share some tips on how to cope with Mother's Day as a bereaved sibling:
- Acknowledge your grief. Allow yourself to feel the sadness, anger, or any other emotions that arise. Don't try to suppress or ignore your feelings. Notice any other responses you may be having. Are you having a physical or spiritual response? Are you experiencing brain fog or thinking about your loss more so than usual?
- Communicate with your family and chosen family. Talk openly about how you're feeling and what you need this Mother's Day. Discuss how you can honor your sibling's memory together and adjust traditions if necessary.
- Set boundaries. It's okay to say "no" to activities that might be too challenging. Protect your energy and prioritize self-care.
- Create your own rituals. Find meaningful ways to honor your sibling's memory on this day. You could light a candle, visit their favorite place, or simply spend time reflecting on your relationship.
- Connect with other grieving siblings, yours or others'. If you are on Instagram, one way to do this is connect with our account, @thebrokenpack. Then, be sure to check out our Instagram story on Sunday to share your experience in response to our question. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can be incredibly comforting. If you wish, you may email me.
- If you feel joy or other positive emotions,grant yourself to to experience them. While we know it's okay to not be okay, please remember, it is okay to be okay, as well. This doesn't mean your grief is over or you aren't "doing it right."
- Don't compare your grief. Everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Be patient with yourself and allow your grief to unfold naturally. It also doesn't help to compare yourself to yourself from years past, whether this is the first Mother's Day or the 50th one since your loss. Your grief experience in the moment is valid.
- Take care of yourself. Prioritize self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit. Eat nutritious meals, get enough sleep, and engage in activities that nurture your soul.
Last year, I shared a series of tips on Instagram specifically for grieving siblings during Mother's Day. These tips cover everything from navigating changing family dynamics to communicating your needs to loved ones. You can find the full post below.
Mother's Day can be a challenging time for bereaved siblings, but it can also be an opportunity for processing grief and connection. Remember, you're not alone. There are resources available to support you through this difficult time. Reach out to friends, family, a licensed mental health practitioner, or me (although I cannot serve as your therapist).
Want More Support?
If you're a surviving sibling looking for a safe space to process grief, consider our upcoming Sibling Grief Refuge retreat this August. It's designed based on evidence-based grief practices and theories to ensure community, grief exploration, comfort, validation, and tools to help you move forward.
Spots are filling up!
Don't miss your opportunity to join us in the beautiful Laurel Highlands this August.
Have questions? Respond to this email or go to https://thebrokenpack.com/retreat for more information!
Ready to sign-up? Click below!
How can you support us?
- Listen, follow, like, share, and subscribe to our social media, especially Instagram, and our podcast.
- If so inclined, please leave positive reviews and 5-star ratings of the podcast wherever you listen. This will help us tremendously.
- Please support the ongoing efforts of The Broken Pack™ by shopping the Not Done Here™ ‘s sibling loss collection or by making a gift (of which all proceeds go to supporting adult sibling loss survivors).
- Stay tuned for our announcements!
- Join us at Sibling Grief Refuge, our retreat. Learn more here.
- Keep reading these newsletters and share with others to help us get the word out!
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Warmly,
Podcast
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The Broken Pack™: Stories of Adult Sibling Loss
Want to learn more about the podcast episodes? Did you know each episode has it's own page? Season 4 is underway!
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