Wild Grief: Horses, Connection, & a Sibling Loss Community
Published about 1 year ago • 3 min read
October 1, 2024
Hello, Reader!
I've never been the same since my brother died. There's a melancholy in me that never goes away. I'm 50% happy and 50% sad at any given moment. ~Billy Bob Thornton
A Gentle Return
I know it's been a while since we've connected through this newsletter, and I want to thank you for your patience and understanding. The past few months have been unexpectedly overwhelming. Amidst the whirlwind, I've found it difficult to maintain the weekly writing and numerous other tasks. But I'm back, ready to journey with you once again through the complexities of sibling grief, especially as we navigate the changing seasons and the weight of world events.
The Bittersweetness of Autumn
Today, the first day of October feels like the official start of Autumn here in the Northern Hemisphere. While I know the Fall season truly began a few weeks ago on the solstice, today feels different. To me, there is a noticeable shift in the lighting - from days being shorter to the color and quality of the sunsets. The air is beginning to feel crisper, and the leaves have begun to change.
As I walk through the neighborhood and stores seeing all of the reminders of Autumn, I find myself filled with bittersweet memories. One minute I am chuckling at memories of Tony and I riding our Big Wheels into a pile of leaves at the bottom of the driveway, raking them up, and doing it again for what seemed like hours. The next minute I am sobbing recalling our last photo on our last Thanksgiving dinner together, five years ago, in which my dad tried to squirt him with whipped cream.
Longing for the Sibling Connection
My brother was a constant calm in my life - especially when we were children and teens. His unconditional love and uncanny way of listening were welcome even when he was silently formulating a smart aleck thing to say. I needed all of this and his delivery of a well-time joke followed by his incredible laugh so much these past few months.
I needed the calm constant. I needed my brother.
But finding Tony's presence and calmness after he died has been a Herculean task, especially when his death was the impetus for ongoing turmoil in some aspects of my life and family relationships.
Continuing Bonds
Over the past four years and seven months since Tony died, I have worked really hard to learn how to continue our relationship, to continue the bond. It's easier at times than others. I will always love him, and I feel his unconditional love quite a bit of the time.
Just a few weeks ago, two local grief counselors who I met in April reached out. We were presented with an opportunity to have a grief event on a local equine therapy farm, Bella Terra Stables. We agreed to focus on adult sibling loss, granting me the opportunity to share just how disenfranchised sibling loss is. While we toured the farm, I shared my story of sibling loss and about how Tony would graciously agree to walk to a horse farm with me so I could stare longingly at the horses. As we were leaving, one of the other therapists playfully directed a snarky comment toward me that could have easily come right out of Tony's mouth. In that moment, I felt his presence and smiled.
Community
Each of the rescued horses on the farm have their own story. And in meeting each of them, I felt for them. Together, they have formed a herd finding companionship from one another, the humans who care for them, and gentleness for those who visit them. On that day, on that farm, I felt connected to the horses and to each of you. It felt very much like the community we are building here through The Broken Pack. Bella Terra Stables seemed like the perfect place to host an in-person community event for adult sibling loss survivors!
And with that, I leave you this week with two things:
If you wish to join us on November 16th for a 1-Day Sibling Loss Equine-Assisted Retreat, please register now. There are only 12 spots available. More information can be found at https://thebrokenpack.com/dayretreat/ or by scanning the QR code on the image above.
Please take time to nurture your continuing bond with your sibling this Autumn (or Spring if you are in the Southern Hemisphere). Here are a few ideas:
Go to a place they loved. Just be. Just notice any thoughts, feelings, or sensations that occur. Write them down if you wish.
Make their favorite seasonal food or beverage.
Tell someone new about your sibling. I'd love to hear about them. Feel free to respond to this message or DM me on Instagram (@thebrokenpack).
Try talking or writing to them.
Warmly,
Podcast
The Broken Pack™: Stories of Adult Sibling Loss
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